Christmas is not here, but near… Christmas carols, yo ho ho, all that happy stuff. What about the harsh grim reality for the poor old sod who does nothing all year
then double shifts all through December?
Seven Rules For Seeing In-Store Santa.
Little ones, Santa would like to thank
You for not giving Santa’s beard a yank,
Should some tugger of a kid do it will reveal
That Santa really swears… that his beard is real.
Children, contain yourselves, we know why you’re here,
To present your request into Santa’s shell-like ear,
Children, QUIETLY tell Santa what you wish to get,
Santa hears you very well, he isn’t deaf- yet.
Well mannered little masters or madams
Are welcome- if weighing under 40 kilograms,
A graceless leap into his lap leaves him white-faced,
Santa gets a bit grumpy since that hip’s been replaced.
Fathers, Santa would love to see your tiny tot,
But a tantrum throwing kid- he does not,
Santa gives all spoilt brats short shrift;
A kick in the backside his parting gift.
Mothers, he has a few old fashioned quibbles,
Another is no cuddle if your wee darling dribbles,
So, good parents, keep tissues and wet-wipes about you,
Surely Santa has no need to explain numbers One and Two?