The time of year for Lords a’leaping. Time to spread a little joy and happiness to those of us who love the season with all our hearts. Carol singing, bells ringing,
At long last the Yuletide season has arrived,
Its been a bad business year but I’ve survived,
I unlocked my cabinet, poured a wee tipple-
What the Hell, might as well, I made it a triple.
Nowadays a tumbler of Tullamore Dew
(When I say one, I really mean two,)
Helps me to sit back, relax and unwind,
Put the pain of the past year from my mind.
I know its best to sup it nice and slow,
Savour that flavour, enjoy the warm glow,
But lately I find I crave the comfort it provides,
And now that first sip rarely touches the sides.
That drop of the Dew had me dropping off to sleep,
Then from above I heard someone stealthily creep,
A heavy boot scraping up on the second floor-
Every year those old boards creak a little more.
In an instant I was wide awake,
Some burglar was making a bad mistake,
In the cabinet my hand searched for and found
Something comfortably heavy and cold and round.
In a voice that shook with righteous indignation
I asked the interloper upstairs for an explanation;
‘Better make yourself known to me , friend
Or else our meeting’s coming to a nasty end.’
Up the stairs I crept, and I found my proof-
A burglars boot disappearing up on the roof,
So I did what any pissed homeowner would do-
I’d take it back in a minute if I were able to.
Lord knows I’m sorry to have been the cause
Of ruining Christmas for both kids and Santa Claus,
Santa could’ve kept on delivering to a ripe old age,
But he’s not, since he got in the way of my 12 gauge.