Principles Of School.
The Prez ponders on the question of the latest school shooting,
The NRA have found an answer that they’re keen on contributing,
The first priority for a teacher is to be a passable problem solver,
The second, say the NRA, is to aim to be be first class with a revolver.
Don and the firearms manufacturers think its a policy worth backing,
Although pupils may well be petrified knowing Sir or Ma’am is packing:
Those still attending Stoneman Douglas must feel a touch of concern- Just how many bloody lessons does it take for one’s learned peers to learn?
Donny Goes To School.
Donny listened to the students claim
That in school shootings guns are to blame,
Though Dons views and theirs aren’t quite the same
Donald does agree these shootings are a crying shame.
Don does think arming teachers will change the game,
Oddly, and crazy as it sounds, the NRA endorses his aim.
Bye Bye Barnaby.
Barnaby Joyce’s behaviour has been foul,
Impregnating his ex-press secretary Nikk.
Now the National leader’s tossed in the towel,
Those stains- on his character!- are gonna stick.
Some consider him to be a pain in the lower bowel
But he’s proved he’s just a prize prick.
The teary congregation lamented long and loud-
But then Billy Graham always drew a decent crowd-
At last the noted orator has been called up to the Lord
Gabriel glided down on a gilded chariot and said ‘hop aboard.’
Billy had been closing in on his centurion year
But he heard the trumpet calling, loud and clear.
Perhaps good God took note of his age and infirmity?
‘Tis sad, since it seems he’s rattled on for an eternity
So many sinning souls Billys saved by Billys word alone,
Using Gods good book and a bloody great big microphone.
Now that the impassioned Billy has gone to his well earned rest
Perhaps now he can give up prattling on like a man possessed?
A warm welcome to South Korea,
Theres fun and Winter games here,
The skiers ski, the skaters skate
And the true achievers celebrate…
But for a certain medallist in curling
A twisted tale is once again unfurling,
Well, it IS another athletics meeting
So another Russian athlete’s cheating.
Don’t Call Us.
When your iPhone takes a swim
Chances of it working are pretty slim,
Water sure does take its toll
On an Apple bobbing in the bowl.
The insurance company took the call,
They heard the story of your iPhones fall,
Though insurance is so damned expensive
It sure do pay off when it’s comprehensive.
The cheque for a replacement is in the mail,
Ah, but hold on, this isn’t the end of this tale;
Your tenure with the new Samsung was all too brief
Due to the gall of some light-fingered French thief.
The insurance company took the call, again,
Second time around the loss was easier to explain,
The first one might have taken quite the while
But this time the details were fresh on file.
Then came another whirlwind dash to the continent
Where crashing to the terrazzo the Samsung went,
Another call is made on a phone that’s literally cracking up;
My, aren’t the numbers on these new phones backing up?
Another cheque arrives, with a covering letter
Advising one to look after ones new phone better,
With thanks for making full use of your comprehensive claim
But asking you to please- please not renew it, if its all the same.
Talking Into His Hat.
Privately Barnaby and Vikki do make a pretty pair;
Publicly Barnaby brazenly faces the public glare,
His amorous amoral view he is happy to share-
As a politician he wonders why his public should care
About his peccadilloes when they’re his private affair?
What hunter, in the name of heaven
Goes out a ‘hunting with an AK47?
What sportsman, in the name of Jesus Joseph and Mary
Needs more firepower than a bloody mercenary?
Who, in the name of Gods ever forgiving son
Needs something of the caliber of a Gatling gun?
Just ’cause you’ve a Second Amendment don’t mean you cain’t
Think a little like Solomon and use common sense and restraint?
But asking the NRA for any kind of control is wildly optimistic,
Mention that and those butt-heads are apt to go
Yet another school shooting in Florida leaves us numb,
From the President the prayers and platitudes come,
More fretting and flapping of Trumpian gums
Followed by a frenzy of twittering thumbs.
Don is rightly upset about what some crazed kid has done,
Though the conclusion he arrives at sure is a strange one,
Oh so many sorrowful words for lost daughters and sons;
And not one single syllable about the madness of guns?
Barnaby Joyce is one hell of a guy,
Well, a hell of a politician, few can deny,
He has stepped out on his wife and four kids,
Blame ‘True Love’ not lust, for a career on the skids.
Will his conservative voters forgive his moral flaws?
Shouldn’t a Catholic living in carnal sin not give him pause?
Siring a secretary’s sprog out of wedlock’, he’s pushing it, rather.
Sadly, Barnaby can’t help it if his new kid has a bastard for a father.