Worldly Wise Guy.
Before the United Nations Donald stood,
He was gonna show ’em, gonna tell ’em good,
All his accomplishments he was proud to state-
Modestly thinking his speech was not just good, but great.
Don smiled and waited… for the thunderous applause,
His words had caused his audience considerable pause…
Back home his rallies had rednecks cheering wall to wall,
But his clap trap didn’t move this audience to respond at all.
Then came a titter, then a giggle, then laughter uncontained,
Being the funny guy is one thing Don had never entertained,
Now the Great ‘Merican Hero’s smug smile is looking grim,
Leading the free world is no joke when the laugh’s on him.
The Vampire Diatribes.
The full moon shone down, bright and clear
As she left the pub full of cider and good cheer,
When from out of the shadows ol’ Dracula did appear
She gave out a cry as down her thigh ran a…frisson of fear.
This sure put a dampener on the nights atmosphere.
The Count slid towards her with a lecherous leer,
She feared this was her dying day as he drew near,
As his fangs grazed her neck she whispered in his ear
Bitter words no salivating vampire ever desires to hear.
Immodest confessions no fair Catholic maid could volunteer.
She has developed quite the reputation round here,
Has an accommodating nature that’s sure to endear,
Her maidenhood hadn’t withstood her sixteenth year,
She’d long laid her honor to rest, and not shed one tear.
So while she’s lying safely abed, Drac’s crying in his bier.
A Flipping Miracle.
Good God, I find it hard to believe those who do believe
That Donald Trump is part of Gods mysterious Master plan,
Those of blind faith who found a black president impossible to conceive
Yet can find little fault in this one, Gods Right White quite imperfect man.
Any conservative will admit he’s a philanderer,
But Sweet Jesus, Donald’s making a great nation,
And doth the Good Book not say, ‘to be human is to err?’
Let’s give Don the benefit of doubt (and a liberal translation.)
How the bloody righteous paw through chapter and verse,
Praying pardon for their (play)boys less than model behaviour,
Finding any blessed reason to praise a man Beelzebub would curse;
How Divine, stumbling on such a forgiving anti-Gay-Muslim-Refugee Saviour.
Twenty-Four Hours, And Counting.
Three mass shootings in one day-
It’s just another day in the USA.
A mere five hospitalized in Syracuse?
That damp squib scarcely made the news.
Five injured in Middleton plus one dead perp-
Thank God he didn’t channel Wyatt Earp.
Four gone to glory in Maryland,
Unusually by a maids not-so-fair hand.
Yet another disgruntled employee with a gun
Hell-bent on making her last day a memorable one.
Living in the gun-tottin’ Land of the Free is GREAT;
The worry is surviving the workday without winding up late.
Three mass shootings in one day-
Sadly, just another day in the USA.
Long Slow Burn.
Spring brings thoughts of summer, tinged with regret,
For today is- was- the birthday of my brother Chet,
So I called in to work claiming, truthfully, an upset.
I drive the old roads we once biked way back when,
Them skies looked newer and bluer way back then
To two overgrown boys, so so far from being men.
I parked by the pool, old now, new then… to reminisce,
Of that hot endless summer, of the exquisite bliss
Of meeting Chets girlfriend’s sister, of a first kiss.
So we spent those days, young and tanned and strong
Not a care in the world the whole damn summer long;
Show me a healthy tan, and I’ll show you you’re wrong.
Bye bye Burt.
It’s the final curtain for cool Cosmopolitan Bandit Burt,
The epitome of the seventies man, as your Mama can assert,
A twinkling eye, a cocked eyebrow, that mountebanks mustache-
Then and now he could elicit in the ladies a damn indecent hot flash.
There’s Where The Answer Lies.
Don heard reports his House was in a chaotic state,
News guaranteed to make him rail and fulminate,
So now Donald’s mulling over lie detector tests
To truly protect the priviliged Presidents interests.
Don wants a full and frank confession on record,
Either via the lie detector or preferably, water board,
And once he he finds out who is his anonymous source
It will all end in a tirade, tears, and then… in divorce?
Cold Clammy Hands.
The wind did howl
The hard rain did fall,
The weather, diabolically foul,
Over Carolina Florence did stall.
See the water rise?
It’s lapping at the door!
Perhaps it would be wise
To step up to the second floor?
See, the waters ankle deep-
Now it’s over knocking knees-
Now it’s creeping coldly up the thighs-
It’s enough to make one’s privates freeze.
Severe To Mild.
I have my good days, I have my bad,
Sadly, what a depressing month I’ve had.
I’d not seen my Doc for a while-
Perhaps he had new meds on phial?
So the good Doctor changed my medication
And my mind went off on a three-week vacation.
I’m happy to know my moods have improved
But throughout the trial my mind felt… removed.
So I asked the Doc to halve the dose
Knowing it would leave us both morose.
It pains me, but being human means being able to feel
And a half-life spent numbly fogged up holds no appeal.
All Decked Out.
If you drive a canopied Sports Utility
You’ll soon find you’re everybodys friend,
Add your good nature to its load bearing ability,
Friends, neighbors, their moving stories never end.
We saw the sofa that had been bought-
It measured out at precisely six foot long,
The deck of the utility proved a little short
And the back window glass non-too strong.
Sofas in a truck bed must be restrained-
And please do not slam down the canopy-
Upon the sofa and the tarmac safety glass rained-
‘Bye, friends and neighbors, Hello Insurance Company?