Do not fly if you have your head up- your head is in the clouds.

Flight Risk. 

(Based on recent scary events.)

She turned up early at Houston Airport,
Not close to late, yet looking overwrought,
However, the casual check-in staff at Southwest
Did not believe she to be a woman possessed.

With ticket to Columbus held in sweaty hand
She looked to the Heavens for her 737 to land,
She held no bags to check in, no carry-on of any kind,
Yet some baggage was weighing heavy on her mind.

She trepidatiously sat upon her seat in the plane,
Another twitchy troubled passenger, this all too plain,
One or two closely confined fellow travellers drew away
When she began to pray as they sped down the runway.

For all on board it was a most distressing time,
Her high-pitched whine accompanying the climb,
After an eternity the creaking Boeing reached cruising altitude-
Now we all had quite enough of her 'Saved by Jesus' gratitude.

But now- good Heavens- He's telling her what to do!
She'd abide by good God's word but not heed the crew! 
She tried opening the exit door, at nigh on 37,000 feet! 
At which point I felt compelled to evacuate my seat.

The flight crew soon had the situation contained,
God knows she was bound to be tightly restrained,
But I'd still spend the rest of my flight sat white-knuckled
In the sole seat on the plane one can sit upon unbuckled.

'But Jesus told me to do it,' she declared on her arrest,
Now she's banned, in perpetuity, from flying Southwest,
Still, next time I'm liable to fly the Houston/Columbus route
I'm packing me a bible, clean underwear and a parachute.

                    'Southwest Airlines will get you there on a wing and a prayer.'

(Song for this one was always destined to be 'Airline To Heaven' by Billy Bragg and Wilco.) 



18 thoughts on “Do not fly if you have your head up- your head is in the clouds.

  1. Among the places where airplanes have brought us closer together are this world and the next….
    Unless you’re an atheist, in which case nothing that happens on a flight should make you vexed .

    Liked by 1 person

  2. First, never trust anyone who claims they don’t have any baggage, regardless of the situation. We ALL do. Some of us are just nicer about it.

    Second, because I simply must know: You’re basing this on the recent news story and not your own personal experience, right? If there have been TWO wingnuts Guided By Jesus on recent flights, I’m never going to the airport again. Well, at least not today.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. No, I’m using my Poetic ‘Flight Of Fancy’ Licence here- God help me, Columbus is too close to Cleveland. And on that note my brother is now well entrenched in ruralish Ohio. Poor guy, all he can do is shake his head as he watches the big-ass red pickups festooned with ‘2024’ flags rumbling around the neighbourhood, being driven by big bellied big talking rednecks.
      Over here we don’t- yet- have the touched by Jesus crazies soaring to the heights of idiocy.
      (I was sorely tempted to call this ‘Jumping Jesus’ but… no, best not.)
      On a personal note, I hope you’re feeling/finding a balance towards being happy about your writing, and its direction.

      Liked by 2 people

        1. Oh, he is my little brother, about nine years younger, and Dad moved the family out to the US when he was just out of school. and I was long married. Dad wanted to connect with his family and a fair few had wound up in the US, mostly in LA. When David grewed up and married and he and his wife wanted to experience all the seasons, not a 12 month summer. Boy, does he get all four seasons now!

          Liked by 1 person

          1. Thanks for sharing some of your family history. Living in Michigan I understand why he likes the 4 seasons. I would go mad with only one as I easily grow bored, even when it comes to seasons. Would love to have just one winter in a warm sunny place for a change. One of these days!

            Liked by 1 person

    1. Glad to have kept you on the abyss. I was kinda straining to not veer into too obvious toilet humour.
      I’ve been meaning to revisit your site- I recall you have certainly moved around before settling here. Lack of time stops me from following up too many well worth reading sites. Hopefully, with upcoming holidays I can catch up.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. p.s. I read above comments after asking the question. The fact it happened somewhere, if not to you directly, is still bad. I wonder if they have added to the flight attendance training reqs because of the increasing # of BSC’s (bat shit crazies.)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, another one sadly fact based, it was on our news feed. I put myself into the story for the sake of personalising it,; but if I’d been on board I would’ve lightened my luggage for sure! And thank you, I’m happy to have raised a laugh.
        And, man, the crazies do seem to out and about lately- bat shit crazies seem to be running riot since after Covid.

        Liked by 1 person

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