Category Archives: Black humor

Six word book summaries… I got bored…

Alice Through The Looking Glass- Alice falls down, goes to Crazytown.

The Silence Of The Lambs- Hannibal tells Clarice a gristly story.

Moby Dick- Footloose old salt trails whale tail.

The Girl Who Loved Tom Gordon- Lost girl nightmare. Tough to bear.

The Bible- Big Fellers big seller. Popular Fiction.

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Welcome To Las Vegas, where good fortune and good luck finally ran out; Thank God the NRA have an arsenal of explanations and the bucks to explain it all away.

A Word In Your Shell-like.

‘My NRA comrades-in-arms, times are fraught,
Rally to this call to alms, hand us your support,
A certain someone’s turned to Vegas as a last resort
And left us with the repercussions and a nasty report.

So, with wounds still raw and feelings overwrought
Now it’s time to practice what our forefathers taught,
To cherish old traditions for which they slaved and fought,
NOW is not the time to talk Control, perish (ahem) the thought.

Now you take your time to reflect, maintain silence and comport-
As the painful headlines fade, the peoples memory grows short;
Then we’ll be spendin’ time at Congress and the Supreme Court,
Every gun totin’ donation helps prove justice can be bought.’

Chancing your luck or chancing your arm in Las Vegas? Sadly this was bound to happen. Will they learn? Ever?

Real Bad Deal.

The House always wins, that’s what they say,
Yet you’re free to drink, whiling your money away,
But this sombre October morn may mark the destitution
Of the tucked away-in-a-quiet corner Mandalay Bay;
Surely too many have lost today?

So it’s in God we trust, and pray
We can live with the price we must pay
For retaining an old hide-bound cast-iron Constitution,
And a President who aims to make a Great USA,
But doesn’t care or dare to take on the NRA.

Hugh Hefner laid to rest… bad choice of words, maybe?

Party Down.

As the last playboy goes to ground
There’s scarcely a dry eye to be found,
So many ladies, so inconsolably bereaved,
So, twice as many trembling breasts heaved.

Down still shocked grim faces tears roll-
Proof that Botox, sadly, does take its toll,
Every single lady arrayed in mourning dress,
Best suited for cocktails, but black, nevertheless.

Service over, and it’s time to move on,
To look forward to a future with Hef gone,
For those close, his loss leaves a huge hole to fill,
So, it’s up to the Mansion to see what’s in the will.

There’s only the smell of Chanel left in the air-
Save for one solitary person also left in despair,
One last loyal friend who truly feels the loss most,
Welling up at the passing of a warm welcoming host.

He sinks to his knees, pounds on the crypt door,
From those eyes a veritable torrent of tears pour,
The Doctors tears tumble as unceasingly as Niagara Falls,
No more exorbitant house, no more emergency Viagra calls.

Lest people think a ‘fair and balanced’ view is not part of this blog I offer a Weiner story. Dirty, disreputable, dodgy and a Democrat. Sleaze, stupidity and sexting, all in one oh so simple package.

Junk Mail.

Before the good Judge stands ex-Congressman Anthony Weiner,
Wearing a Valentino suit, Berluti shoes and a sorry demeanour,
After flicking through his cell phone pics she had never seen a
Clearer need for slapping on an extra year, and hand cleaner.

What a fine upstanding and changed man Tony appears,
But knowing he will be going away for nigh on two years
After hearing his plea for clemency has fallen on deaf ears
He fears he may soon be shedding more than crocodile tears.

He looks to his Defence team who look sad and defensive,
Its no easy brief representing one who you find reprehensive,
Yet should he appeal, their work will be full and comprehensive;
Oh joy, he’s going to appeal and it should prove hopeless AND expensive.

As incarceration approaches and his appeal on a slippery slope
His loyal lawyers come up with some advice to help him cope;
‘If all else fails , pray to a higher power, and never lose hope,
And if in the shower, whatever you do, don’t drop the soap.’

The President takes a knee, where it matters, right in the Tweet spot.

Patriot Games.

Those who take the field, then kneel
Upset the mighty Chief a great deal.

It’s disrespectful to the ol’ red white and blue,
Some colours matter in his jaundiced view.

Those who don’t stand tall and proud-
Don glares incandescently at that crowd.

Watch how those baby blues of his smolder,
Seeing ’em, arms locked, shoulder to shoulder.

Don believes a servant/master relationship is required,
Kneel and stand every chance of the boss saying ‘you’re fired.’

Their lack of traditional respect is his darkest fear;
He gathers about him allies, friends, near and dear…

As Foxes fair and balanced report is repeatedly viewed
He feels some protesters have an uppit- negative attitude.

His flag not being revered is a sight Don really regrets,
A view shared by a veritable slew of his confederates.

Election time in New Zealand- neither Labour and National can govern without the help of the third minor party, New Zealand First, of which Winston Peters has loooooong held court. Now red and blue have to appease and appeal to Winston.

Rooting Around At Animal Farm.

Jacinda’s labouring to muster a grin
After a rough election night,
But if you think Bill’s celebrating with Win
You’d only be half right.

She seems sad today but she’s still young and green;
Tomorrow she won’t look as glum,
For three years hence she should be queen;
Then the princesses time will come.

In winning Bill still looks like a beaten dog
While Winston smirks like the Cheshire cat,
If the cost of victory means kissing the frog
Jacinda is grateful to Bill for sparing her that.