Category Archives: car crash

The legendary Stirling Moss, a blast from the past, has passed.

Off The Grid.

The final flag has fallen for Stirling Moss,
His stirling record now shows his last loss,
He enjoyed his 90 years on Gods green earth,
He lived and loved the fast life for all it’s worth.

Countless female fan’s hearts and great races breezily won,
Yet somehow fated never to top the podium in Formula One,
So now with a backwards smile wreathing his never beaten face
He so easily leaves us mere mortals behind and steps up a place.

 

©Obbverse

What’s happening to the Lucky Country? Bushfires, shark attacks, oil and water drying up- and now this. Holden bites the dust. Crikey!

With A Whimper.

It all started up down at Fishermens Bend
We had a Genuine partnership, my Special friend,
Aw jeez, now yer dumping me, it’s journeys end?
Just like a busted wheel my heart cain’t mend.

Don’t ya remember when days were golden,
Back then when we were flush, the money rolled in?
We ran the hottest flamin’ dealership for Holden,
Now its been a cold day since a punter strolled in.

It was just a day after Valentine’s Day
I read my ‘Dear John’ letter with dismay,
My true love was packin’ up, goin’ away?
What a grievously monstrous thing to say.

My fingers slackened, as did my jaw,
The letter fluttered to the workshop floor,
Fair dinkum, my darlin’s duckin’ out the door?
I reached for some comfort, bottom drawer.

I took a drink, drank deep and long-
When the spirit’s weak, make it strong,
I wondered maudlinly ‘what went wrong?’
Then stumbled out to dribble by the billabong.

Nah, no more will the limping  roaring lion roam,
Flashing down the streets with teeth of chrome,
General Motors lit up them tyres, they’re flying home,
No last slow dignified ride back in the black Brougham.

Cobber, mate, I’m not watcha call a sensitive dude,
My oath, I’ve been called rude and f- far worse, crude,
But this  I can say with a high degree of verisimilitude
Unlike his bottle this guy’s gettin’ well and truly screwed.

 

Ps: For what its worth, minor inspiration  ‘Heart Like A Wheel’ Kate and Anna McGarigle and ‘The Newcastle Song’ Bob Hudson.

 

©Obbverse

The urban legend states that drivers of German prestige cars are wank- er, jerks. So a Finnish Professor did a study which concluded ‘Sadly, Ja, they are!’

A Lapse Of Luxury.

For years poor German auto drivers have put up with
Being called scheisse drivers, so let’s confirm the myth.

Thank you for your findings, Professor Lonnqvist,
You’ve proved German car drivers head up the S list,
Audi  uber alles drivers spin you into the safety fence,
Overtaking, over all the yellow lines, not a bit of sense.

Give any fast approaching ass-Audi a gentle warning toot-
They’ll leave four conjoined circles puckering your boot.

The Beemer driver is Xcremental arrogance personified,
In traffic jams he sits, front and centre, and woe betide
Any poor plebeian in a Prius who signals an intent to turn,
The Right light may say ‘all go’ but he’ll let the Greenie burn.

He sits in his Dummkofwagon, lording it over the peasantry,
Above reproof, deaf to toots, the cause of all unpleasantry.

But it’s the over-egoed big boy still in thrall to the silver star-
Guaranteed to be the bat crap craziest bad drivers by far-
He’s ecstatic to drive out of the dealers a small fortune lighter
Despite the grave reservations of his insurance underwriter.

The pricey new Mercedes owner is entitled to feel he’s owed
The right to run red lights, give no ways since he owns the road.

See the imperious glint of his eye, and off his gleaming grille?
But it’s the pampering of his polished Panzer that makes me ill ,
His Benz must be protected from all dings, dents or marks,
Ergo, the safest place is to take up two handicapped parks.

As for indicators, these geniuses have no need or wand to know;
But cross ones path- one slick finger flick shows you where to go.

 

©Obbverse

A change up for Prince Phillip, as he gives the driving up. Or has Her Majesty put her foot down?

End Of The Road.

Poor Prince Phillip had ‘a bit of an accident,’
Most inconvenient, and unpleasant,
Rolling onto its side his trusty old Rover went
After Phil failed to give way to a peasant.

Phillip clambered out bloodied but unbowed,
It ill behooves one of Royal bearing
To proclaim his wife does own the bloody road…
Blame the shock for the shocking swearing.

To be still going on, at ninety-seven years of age
Is long enough, the patient police responder felt,
Now Phil regrets his forgetfulness and failing to engage
His legally binding safety belt.

Good queen Liz gives a sigh of relief
That her Prince Charming is still alive
And that Phil is ready to turn over a new leaf
As well as his licence to drive.

 

©Obbverse

The Duke of Edinburgh is involved in a collision. Time for a crash course in Driver Ed, Phil? (Joking aside, get well Guv.)

Flip Toff.

The Queens consort HRH Prince Phillip
Drove away in his stately Range Rover,
A crash with a Kia caused his conveyance to tip
And the high riding Rover rolled over.

The Prince still drives well at ninety-seven
Though he’s a little shaky on the Highway Code,
Was he sun-dazzled, or did he see a glimpse of Heaven?
Phillip feels no need to head down that road.

Is it time for Prince Phillip to accept defeat,
Flog the posh Rover at some common market?
Give up the wheel and take a back seat
And royally park it?

 

©Obbverse