Category Archives: emergency

What, another dose of nasty medicine Don prescribes to fix what ails us?

Imperfect 2020 Vision.

The bright new year started with a descent into sickness,
But never fear, not when we’ve our Doctor Don on your case!
Don dispensed with any treatments with breath-taking quickness,
Doctor Don’s considered response took up too much breathing space.

After all, his diagnosis was Mild Chinese Influenza,
He couldn’t imagine it would settle in these here parts,
For the Genius who’s applied for membership of MENSA
Admitting making such a dumbass decision definitely smarts.

Dimly Don saw poor common people being sorely afflicted
Then, hot on the heels of covid came the stock market crash,
Mortality rising, property falling means he’s personally affected,
Don sobs at seeing the figures, the senseless loss of cold hard cash.

But now, with masked criminals roaming the dark streets
Generallisimo Don’s response is sure, swift and mighty hard,
Now its time for cool heads, Big Whopper Don turns up the heat!
Soon you literally won’t be able to breath for all the National Guard.

©Obbverse

When he runs the greatest economy in the world, the President tells us when and where the buck stops.

Pay Dirt.

This all started just like a touch of common flu-
Nothing a president couldn’t power through,
But then people sickened, they started to cough,
Took to their sick beds, and, worse, sick days off.

Soon the busy president made it crystal clear-
News of a pandemic he did not wish to hear,
No way would he let his ‘Merica  shut up shop,
A stalled economy- why, life might as well stop!

Now for this profit president, suddenly so much is at stake,
Wow, now see him go, (though he was slow on the uptake,)
Don now tells everyone, stay a healthy six feet apart-
Pity he’s given the virus a GreaT big flying head start.

But he’s never been a man renowned for his patience,
Now the prez wants to fast-track this testing of patients,
Donald demands an overnight cure for this dark disease-
Suddenly there’s a light at the end of the tunnel only he sees.

His brilliant plan B is to wish and pray this illness away,
He’s aiming to have the churches packed in on Easter day,
Some brave Bishop please tell him that would be a blunder,
Ironically, stories of resurrection might put one six feet under.

 

©Obbverse

I looked at the empty supply closet, felt that empty feeling, panicked and thought ‘stuff that!’

Got Issues?

I strode purposefully to my big-as Walmart,
I grabbed a battered buckled shopping cart,
With a determined grip and a grimacing smile
I set off in desperate search of that fabled aisle.

I followed the sounds of a far-off battle,
The cries of pain, that constant metallic rattle
Of over-laden carts crushing fingers and toes,
Of old acquaintances fast becoming foes.

I fought up to the head of the queue,
I stacked up my booty, I took all I’m due,
My bloody crusade had been completed-
1000 toilet rolls, soft scented and pleated.

The grumpy guy stuck behind me would find
When I turned away I’d left all too little behind,
Hey, I had left one roll that was justifiably mine-
Yet he told me to put it where the sun don’t shine!

Then I received a work txt from my kindly boss
His message; ‘You work from home, you’re no great loss,’
He always txts me at work rather than gimme me a call
Since whenever he’d called on me I’d be sat in a stall.

I’m told I must resist my compulsion to panic buy
But I’ll take great comfort in my store of triple-ply,
For now I can sit in splendid isolation without a worry
And business can take care of itself, no need to hurry.

 

©Obbverse

From last weeks ‘only the flu’ to this weeks European travel ban, Don is taking serious virus measures. Now, why?

Game Face.

Don lovingly looks into the camera again,
He’s taking GreaT pains to explain
That the Coronavirus’s spread-
He alone is going to stop dead.

He doesn’t welcome foreign fliers,
Euro-tourists he no longer desires,
He’s looking after the good ol’ USA,
The rest of the world can go f-fade away.

Last week it was just the Flu to him,
Suddenly the orange face turns deathly grim,
The latest news has him looking gaunt and old-
His beloved stock market has caught a cold.

Thanks to this Chinese flu
(In Donny’s jaundiced view,)
Now not even the NBA
Can be let out to play.

Donald looks deep into the cameras eye
He truly do look like he’s going to cry,
Is it fears for this, his GreaT proud nation?
Or did the ol’ TV star just hear ‘cancellation?’
 

Any time is a good time to go on holiday, to travel, explore new horizons, enjoy the pleasures of warm and close companionships. Up until very recently, anyway.

I was sick of works demands,
I wished to see some idle hands,
So I booked myself a sea cruise,
Well, what did I have to lose?

A life out on the ocean wave,
A licence to frolic and misbehave,
To stroll in Speedos with tanned chest,
Pull in the gut, leave the lasses impressed.

To what depravities I sunk,
Every night in a new bunk,
My lustful life was never finer-
I love life on an ocean liner.

But come one fine morning I awoke
Feeling like when I used to smoke,
But the ships Doc’s there for such ills-
Plus, I needed more lil’ blue pills.

The Doc’s voice took on a worried note
As he peered down my ticklish throat,
And as we approached American waters
I found I was confined to my quarters.

No more late-night fun and games,
No more early morning walk of shames,
Into my teeny tiny cabin I was shown
To spend a fortnight all on my own.

I’ve got a Gideons bible and a battered paperback,
Grand Cruise brochures litter the magazine rack,
Free Living and Disney channels are all very nice
But I wish they’d arrange Wi-Fi for my De-Vice.

I don’t mind being forcibly detained,
I realise a nasty virus must be contained,
The Cap’ns bound to put in protective measures
He doesn’t care a toss about my fleshly pleasures.

Here we’re moored, off San Francisco Bay,
And what to do to while the time away?
It’s ten more days till I’m back on deck,
Idle hands mean I’ll be a physical wreck.

 

©Obbverse

 

In the Land Down Under, up to now the leaders of the Lucky Country, in thrall to Industry, dismissed climate change as the ravings of the Green and gullible. Might those ‘thoughts’ change now? More likely they’ll still willfully put ’em on the back burner.

Flip-Flop Weather.

National minds won’t change on the weather, ain’t no denying,
When it comes to carbon credits, the great mines ain’t buying,
They have no heart to turn away from their deep black hole,
Australia can go to blazes so long as they can sell their coal.

The mining moguls have dug up a fine solution
To cleanly dispel the dirty question of air pollution,
If their friends in power waver, show signs of doubt-
Whip out the big check-book and wave it about.

Most any Liberal proclaims climate change to be a myth,
They have any number of studies to twist and conjure with,
But as they silently rake over the razed and smoking ground
Has the hazy path towards enlightenment finally been found?

 

©Obbverse

In times of Emergency desperate times require desperate measures, even if it means fiddling for funds for pis- piddling away on a wall.

Insecurities.

Donald is off on his latest low-down undertaking,
He needs money to fix a crisis, of his own making,
The Army of law’n’order fans of his border wall
Will now see Don pillaging Peter to pay Paul.

Building walls up was easy to say in an election run
But getting Mexico to pay is easier said that done,
He keeps calling about the millions of dollars they owe,
Not one ‘Hola’ has he got from the President of Mexico.

It matters not to Don that the funds are misappropriated
Or that real Democracy has been truly desecrated,
What do you expect when the megalomaniac you elect
Injudiciously, sadly, madly must get his vanity project?

 

©Obbverse

Getting wet and wild on your holiday/honeymoon. A bit of a cautionary tale.

Taken, With A Dose Of Salt.

The summer sun was dazzling bright,
The sea a’sparkling in the sunlight,
Not one solitary cooling cloud in sight
For honeymooners on the Great Australian Bight.

Up on deck after a hot ardourous night
Still this couple are feeling set to ignite,
Where, where to escape 100-degrees Fahrenheit?
The sea offers a cool promise of respite.

Skinny dipping is a sheer naked delight,
The seas ebb and flow sure to primordially excite,
But bare bodies are also sure to whet the appetite
Of Tiger, Tigers, Basking, a bloody Great White.

Read a witty blog on toilet humor, and something moved me. (Thanks, Kunal Thakore, and his blog Random Rants Ruminations Ramblings.)

Ruminations From A Little Room.

There are times, times when Nature calls
When on the verge but the urge stalls;
After arriving white-knuckled,
Zipping down, belt unbuckled,
Then taking your seat with indecent haste
You find yourself sat, with time to waste.

What a tedious place to be confined,
In a silent cubicle, in a bind.

But no poet minds being ‘unavoidably detained,’
Sitting, pondering, mind wandering unrestrained,
I refuse to sit idly by,
I’ve pen and paper, triple ply…
Now my tale is told, and in reasonable rhyme,
A half-decent job, given the constraints of time.

It’s a bit slap-dash, it won’t win any poetry prize
But this gutsy effort still brings tears to my eyes.

(This is as close to the edge of bad taste as I tread. And who wants to tread any deeper?)

‘Houston, we have a problem.’ Well, if you’re in Harris County Texas don’t bother calling 911… An emergency operator has cut off thousands of calls because she ‘sometimes doesn’t feel like talking.’

Hear Say.

If you’re in Houston and place an emergency call
Crenshanda Williams won’t be concerned at all,
Whatever dire emergency you wish to report
Crenshanda likes to keep calls concise, and short.

All she wants at her workplace is contemplative quietude
But people insist on calling in and killing the mood,
All these people saying it’s a matter of life and death,
Her curt advice to them is to save their breath.

Crenshanda was told at her last workplace review
‘Answering emergency dispatches ain’t the calling for you,’
She won’t be working long here, that’s the word I hear,
Crenshanda’s being thrown out on her unsympathetic ear.