Unclassified notes from an Oval Office; The Ford, Dearborn office, not the Pennsylvania Avenue one.

(Dark humour, a mild warning.)

The Flawed Concept.

Mr Ford viewed the tiny cars flooding in with fear,
Gutting sales of the gas-guzzlers Henry held so dear,
So into the new geeko-friendly no-smoking atmosphere
Henry trotted out his Pinto, with its pertly kicked-up rear,
So cheeky, chic and cheerful- and so cheap to engineer.

His Pinto putting dents in imports sales elicited a grin,
But making a profit on compacts means making 'em thin,
So, skinnier welds here, there, replace heavy steel with tin;
Ford's salesmen lightly told customers 'take 'er out for a spin,'
Is emphasising gas mileage over driver safety such a sin?
In harness with rising gas prices, sales of the sippy Pinto rose,
In his boardroom see, along with his profits, how his smile grows?
Until a rash of memos brought about a wrinkling of Henry's nose;
It's safe to say a Pinto's economy is great, as far as gas milage goes
But in a tail-ender one is not safe, as any crash dummy knows.

Was it a question of saving lives or saving on the cash?
Placing a gas tank waaay back was more dumb than rash,
The Pinto was a pain in the ass when in a nose-to-tail smash;
Percolating Pintos were hotly looked at by Police, Fire and Crash-
Hank's cheap-ass petty penny ante profits tanked, and in a flash.

(Mockery aside, a case of money over humanity. Apparently, for the sake of a few nickels and dimes per vehicle in producing these bombs cars Ford could have redesigned and alleviated the problem. Corporate cost-cutting at its best/worst. Ford lost a court case and paid through the nose.)

‘For Sale, Ford Pinto, cool retro classic, original Fire Engine Red paint.’

©Obbverse


			

The road to ruin- as well as these mean streets- are paved with good intentions.

Faith, Hope And Charity. (And more innocent than you would believe.)

It's amazing how many friendly faces you'll meet
On walking up the business end of Manchester Street,
But in these grim city streets every girl has her position,
Remember, the hard fact is these are gals with a mission.

Just once I'd like to take a stroll down town
Without returning home feeling brung down,
Having not been waylaid by some sharp-eyed girl
Offering you a deal that should make your hair curl.

But she'll rarely be alone, she's one of many
And each want to take you for a pretty penny,
All eyes looking for some flush fool to be played,
Best not chance a glance lest eye contact be made.

With batted eye and oh so practiced smile
One is sure to invite you to stop and chat awhile,
Any offer to engage in conversation- don't indulge
Even should her eye linger long on your trouser bulge.

Alas, this happened to me again today,
A new girl accosted me, embarrassing to say,
Kim approached, name tag pinned bold on chest,
I wanted none of her but... she pressed and pressed.

She wouldn't take 'No' for an answer from me,
These gals keep taking me for some kind of charity,
Every week the girls change, but the game's the same,
If you don't hand over your change you feel their shame.

Gals, why am I the Saint selected to fix Society's ills?
The mug from whom the milk of human kindness spills?
Gals, the way you reach out to me in the street is a crime,
Every week, faithfully I find you've taken me for my last dime!

See, Kim, I'm loose with my money, a fool I say!
Pater cut off my account, ordered me to stay away,
In my wealthy family I've always been the black sheep,
But he pays me a pitiful stipend, so my distance I'll keep.

Sorry, Kim, I cannot hope to fill your financial need;
Good luck in all your endeavours, I hope you succeed;
But after paying for my one poky room I'm mostly spent;
Ain't it a pity I was never extended my fathers endowment?

                                 - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

It's UNICEF this week, next week Leprosy Mission,
Donating to everyone is putting me in a poor position,
So, please, you gals with good intentions, should we meet
My charity stays at home, or you'll see me out in the street.


(On my being cheekily and cheerily- but legally- solicited by a well-dressed well-groomed well-meaning well-intentioned most engaging slick and professional young woman representing yet another needy charity yet again. I noticed that UNICEF was Kim and todays featured sad act. (What is it with all these peppy perky presumptuous lasses? I must just have the kind of face every girl preys for.)
Still, on turning 'em down I'm left feeling so cheap. Oh, I'd love to be able to willingly toss my hard-earned cash about but I just can't afford to sillily splash out willy-nilly.)


‘Remember, don’t hang a left down Hooker Street.’

©Obbverse

Derek Chauvin’s legal team are bleating on and on about HIM being the victim- of a mistrial!

Lawyers Never Lack In Appeal.

Derek Chauvin's poor loser of a lawyer is now saying
Many more legal loopholes avenues are worth persuing,
This lifetime sentence is worth spending time on delaying-
(The tricky part remains that nine minutes of painful viewing.)

Monetarily it might cost him- a lot,
And it's bound to take mighty long,
But Derek's lawyer's in a tight spot
So count him in to right your wrong!

The real appeal of our untimely appeal is it will take a pile while,
Buying time to  blame Floyd's death on 'unhappy happenstance?'
'So we, Derek's defence, demand another long drawn-out trial!'
(Say Counsellor, when will George Floyd get a second chance?)

‘Derek, as much as it takes!’

©Obbverse

 

 

The Santa Clarita Diet. Try it, one bite and you might find it’s good. Crazy good.

Poor Poor Pitiful Me.

Not too long ago I used to think I lived half a life;
The car, two kids, two mortgages, the dog, the wife,
Stuck on the endless treadmill of work work work,
I thought one day I'd lose my mind and go berserk.

I see now I was 'a glass half-empty' kind of a guy,
A sad sack who saw the world through a gimlet eye,
My father-in-law berated me as a self-pitying soul,
His wife told me straight- 'what a miserable asshole.' 

Abed one night, worried and awake at one o'clock
I rose and took a ruminative stroll around the block,
The streets and my thoughts were miserable and dark,
My feet grew weary but my brain continued to spark.

I was passing through the shadows of the church tower,
Deep in the dark depths I saw an eye's malevolent glower,
I was encircled and set on, just outside the church grounds! 
Do these roaming gangs of mindless thugs know no bounds?

In the darkness I could see naught but a flash of white,
The gleam of bared teeth, evil creatures of the night,
I fought bravely under their outrageous bestial attack
Till someone tapped my head and everything went black.

When I awoke my bloody head was pounding,
An alarm somewhere in my brain was sounding,
I arose from the pavement and shook my head
But in my mind a creeping realisation spread...

I discovered I could no longer focus my brain,
My fragmentary thoughts seemed half insane,
My attack proved a bit more than a minor scuffle-
Both brain and feet seemed to be stuck on shuffle.

In the pit of my miserable guts sat a hunger, gnawing,
A deeply primitive part I knew I was beyond ignoring,
On my approach I saw three pre-dawn joggers scatter-
This new Zombie shows a hankerin' for fresh grey matter.

As I shamble along I glance at a storefront window
And see a sight, in reflection, I have no wish to know,
And that last human part of me clenches in resistance,
And I know I want no part in this miserable existence.

So I'm stumbling back home where I'm hoping I'll find
An up-in-arms wife to offer me a bit of peace of mind,
I guess our shotgun marriage was doomed from the start,
Let's hope she aims for my stupid brains and not my heart.



(Obviously watching Shaun Of The Dead on top of a few tasty episodes of The Santa Clarita Diet inspired another addition to the Shlock Mock Horror genre. I thought 'why not try to see it from the zombies point of view?' At least it's a fresh one.)

‘Hey, I know I’ve changed. No, It’s not you, it’s definitely me.’

©Obbverse

Bad cop Derek Chauvin- Justice to be seen to be done.

Cop Out.

Derek Chauvin denied his all-too-obvious guilt,
His good lawyer argued his lousy case to the hilt,
Tried to frame Floyd's death as a 'medical mystery,'
Pity Derek's knee on the neck was there for all to see.

Once a cop could blow off an 'escape attempt,'
Treat 'alleged' brutality with a smile of contempt,
Once any cops perjur-ative testimony was enough;
Now a cheap cell phone video will call Derek's bluff.

And so, the damning evidence was played;
That don't look good for Derek, I'm afraid;
Derek, looking all innocent won't succeed;
Jurors, how much evidence do you kneed?

Deep down Derek knew the jury's verdict could be no surprise
Though a flicker of emotion darkened those lizard-like eyes,
Yes, behind his mask how truly sorry (for himself) he feels-
His first day inside and he'll be sucking down liquid meals.

There are so many inside who'll happily rearrange his smile,
So many too ready to mete out some justice without a trial,
He's prayin' hard for a solitary sentence, the full 24 hours;
Beats being on his knees whenever he visits the showers.

Not quite the picture of innocence?

©Obbverse

A most untimely ‘mistake’ from the boys and girls in Blue. Another mistake? Hard to believe, but true.

Half Cocked Excuse.

A police patrol pulled over Daunte Wright-
For those who Protect and Serve us right-
Well trained long serving front line cops-
The latest of many routine traffic stops.

But this young man tried to break free,
Now, why would a young black man flee?
When Minneapolis's finest uphold the code?
Where George Floyd died, just down the road?

But a long serving cop stopped him!
A quick blast of Taser from Officer Kim!
Umm, somehow she pulled a gun not a Taser,
A mystifying mistake that continues to amaze her.

Now Officer Kim hides behind the scenes, gone on leave,
Daunte is gone too, leaving his family to openly grieve,
Kim's sheltered and protected behind the Blue enclave
But Daunte takes her mistake to his cold lonely grave.


(Little humour in my offering today. Apparently Officers put their Tasers on their less favoured side. So when they whip out their weapons they won't mix up the Taser with the gun. Wouldn't wanna confuse those two, would one? And surely a good cop knows wrong from right, left from right? Or am I naively mistaken in that belief too?)


 

‘Check nut holding trigger before discharging.’

 

 

©Obbverse

True old school romance? That Thomas Hardy sure gave Tess d’Urbaville a hard life.

Ruminations 'Pon Watching Monsieur R. Polanski's Moving Picture Based Upon Thomas Hardy's Heartbreaking Rendering Of The Lamentable Treatment Of The Much Put Upon 'Tess Of The d'Urbavilles.' 

Caution Miss, if the rich young Master approaches
Offering up gilt plated hairpins or silv'ry broaches,
Don't shake his hand, shake firm your pretty head-
'Oh no sir, no engagement 'til our banns are read.'
 
Yon Master is a man who'd rather do wrong than right,
You want your wedding day, he wants his wedding night, 
Pearl earrings, gold necklaces, baubles of every kind,
But handing a wedding band... somehow slips his mind.

Master may well say he will give you everything-
Give him not a thing till he promises a gold ring,
Tess, 'tis not for your sweet heart his hand reaches,
Push his hot hand away and hold on to your breeches.

(Yes, it's a light-hearted take on a grossly tragic tale. But tragedy, humour, two sides of the same face?) 
'Tess, it's gonna end in tears.'


©Obbverse

How to weigh and balance the evidence in a just and fair manner. Or, perversely, alternatively, the Right one.

Mob Mentality.

The impeachment trial of Don's January actions
Is seen vastly differently by the two rival factions,
Democrats are all for piling on now departed Don-
They want him impeached and legally real real gone.

Republicans are all too happy to forgive and forget-
Stirring up Trump's mad mob can still cause regret,
Evil is seen heard and said, but they'll keep on denying,
Those simple silent Republican jurors are hardly trying.

‘Making ‘Merica Gag Again.’

                           

©Obbverse

The ex-President is having a trialing time retaining legal representation. Sad!

Swamp Things.

Since Donny and  Rudy don't do the ol' business no more
Don's lawyers walk in, speak briefly, then run to the door,
Yet 'nother team of peachy keen lawyers are called in by Don,
Sit down, sift through the evidence, look appalled and get gone.

The best of lawyers powers can be negated
When the evidence rests, so heavily weighted.

It's a rare day indeed a lawyer will  find a client indefensible,
When scruples long put behind scream 'this is reprehensible,'
Now two more of his latest greatest sign on to right his wrong,
Quick, place your bets, its short odds they'll be gone before long.

When it's a case of nothing to win, everything to lose
Let's face it, a plea of insanity's the best you can use.


©Obbverse

Newly married, whole life ahead of the two of you, and then its all gone. Won’t someone tell him where he went wrong?

Misery Loves Company.

What I cannot abide
Is whatever spuriosities I spout
You won’t take my side-
My righteous words I never doubt.

I don’t roughly ride
Over the husbandly improvements you tout,
I hide my wounded pride
Behind folded arms and surly pout.

Lord knows I’ve tried
Laughing off all you witter about,
If you’d only shut up I’d
Have no need to shout.

‘Goodbye’ said my bride,
She cried ‘it’s over, I’m out,’
…Now it’s so lonesome inside
My strong silent empty redoubt.

©Obbverse.