Category Archives: Last word

The final curtain call for Doris Day. A lovely person, apparently, but her screen persona was quite, shall we say, twee?

YesterDay.

We say goodnight to Doris today,
At ninety-seven she’s faded away,
No more virtuous parts will Doris play,
Bye, Americas eternally virginal sweetheart.

Perpetually preppy peppy Doris Day,
No movie dared show her going astray,
Not the kind of girl to take a roll in the hay,
Always the sweet girl-next-door, never the tart.

‘No no no’ our Doris must always say,
No petting, no rucking up of the duvet,
No deflowering of Doris, no hint of foreplay-
Not even with Rock Hudson gayly playing his part.

Doris was forever doomed to portray
The gal who favoured pajamas over negligee,
The blonde who’d kneel before bed- and pray!
No impassioned puckering could prise her lips apart.

In times of Emergency desperate times require desperate measures, even if it means fiddling for funds for pis- piddling away on a wall.

Insecurities.

Donald is off on his latest low-down undertaking,
He needs money to fix a crisis, of his own making,
The Army of law’n’order fans of his border wall
Will now see Don pillaging Peter to pay Paul.

Building walls up was easy to say in an election run
But getting Mexico to pay is easier said that done,
He keeps calling about the millions of dollars they owe,
Not one ‘Hola’ has he got from the President of Mexico.

It matters not to Don that the funds are misappropriated
Or that real Democracy has been truly desecrated,
What do you expect when the megalomaniac you elect
Injudiciously, sadly, madly must get his vanity project?

The Duke of Edinburgh is involved in a collision. Time for a crash course in Driver Ed, Phil? (Joking aside, get well Guv.)

Flip Toff.

The Queens consort HRH Prince Phillip
Drove away in his stately Range Rover,
A crash with a Kia caused his conveyance to tip
And the high riding Rover rolled over.

The Prince still drives well at ninety-seven
Though he’s a little shaky on the Highway Code,
Was he sun-dazzled, or did he see a glimpse of Heaven?
Phillip feels no need to head down that road.

Is it time for Prince Phillip to accept defeat,
Flog the posh Rover at some common market?
Give up the wheel and take a back seat
And royally park it?

Flicking through the ol’ holiday papers and stumbled across last years news. There, in the obituaries, it’s still sad news to see.

Off The Hook. (Ray Sawyer, Adieu.)

He sang songs about proper mothers and Rolling Stone covers
And keeping his beautiful woman away from wannabe lovers,
But Ray, lay down the cowboy hat, the eye patch and say ‘see ya later’
To Sylvia’s formidable mother and that bitchy long distance operator,
Put aside those sly wry songs, sung with a knowing wink of the eye,
Hang up your hat, hang up the phone, let it go, it’s time for goodbye.  

The crown weighs heavy on the Head at times. These are right royal troubling times. So show a little sympathy, please.

Pardon The Subject.

After a fresh new dawn, clear and bright
Dark times have come for the kingdoms Lord,
Another wrong to right, another obituary to write
When he who wields the pen yields to the sword.

(I try to leaven these posts with a bit of humor. I can’t see much to smile about on some of the days these day though.)

I thought work couldn’t get any better, and though I rarely agree with the boss, this time I heartily do. Thanks Boss. Oh, and to Julia- thanks for nothing. (Part three of the Jilted Julia Saga.)

Exit Interview For Bossy Boots.

‘So, Julia you’ve been with us a year to the day,
Sadly the evidence says you’ve outstayed your stay,
So lets review your flaws before you go on your way
With our good wishes and an even greater redundancy pay’

‘Let us peruse the views of your ex-staff, if we may?
They can contain a clue- or two- to where you went astray,
One good point is they do say you’re real hard work and no play,
Negative traits… hmmm they do go on- and on and ON, don’t they?’

‘Complaints against you… hmm, laid in endless array,
Your words of complaint about them cause me a twinge of dismay…
No, don’t tell an employee to ‘fuck off,’ the Company prefer ‘go away,’
I agree with your staff, so no argument, Julia, just go away, without delay.
Or ‘fuck off’ as you say.’