It’s the final curtain for cool Cosmopolitan Bandit Burt,
The epitome of the seventies man, as your Mama can assert,
A twinkling eye, a cocked eyebrow, that mountebanks mustache-
Then and now he could elicit in the ladies a damn indecent hot flash.
It’s the same old story, the secretary shags bags the boss,
Barnaby’s leaving leaves his wife and kids feeling a tad cross,
But after seeing his carryings-on, they’ll accommodate his loss.
Barnaby and Vikki look uncomfortable in the spotlights glare,
Some loyal Nationals still believe it’s all their own private affair;
Yes, fair enough, till Barnaby declares he has something to share…
His weaselly words could have come straight from Big Brother,
He claims the paternity of her love-child is known to the mother!
Don’t Vikki and toss-her-under-the-bus Barnaby deserve each other?
Barnaby is wanting some action, he gets the cold shoulder instead;
Sweet Vikki promised something more than pillow talk would be said;
Are our boy Barnaby’s ears burning on his cold blasted side of the bed?
Privately Barnaby and Vikki do make a pretty pair;
Publicly Barnaby brazenly faces the public glare,
His amorous amoral view he is happy to share-
As a politician he wonders why his public should care
About his peccadilloes when they’re his private affair?
Of Paris’ Bohemian quarter Lonely Planet has enlightengly writ
Even in it’s darkest corner it’s denizens look well lit,
This is one part of Paris they highly recommend you hit.
(Not recommended if you can’t face a toxicology kit.)
Outside the Cafe Rouge we found a place to sit;
Parisiennes are a passionate people we’ll readily admit,
Young lovers stroll by, clasping hands, or tit,
Sucking face and Gauloises wherever they see fit,
Here, french kissing doesn’t mean you have to quit.
Then, when they come up for air, they breath, smile and spit!
Their aimless nonchalance does Parissiens little credit,
All this phlegmy frenchness is begining to wear, a bit,
Ah, the French have style and culture, who could doubt it?
But as I wipe my sleeve, I believe I could do without it.