Oddly, I never thought the President was a funny bloke,
But now the laugh is on me and, seriously, I get the joke,
Hee hee, he’s hysterical- he changes history, with one Master stroke-
Go home, gather the gullible, grin and simply say ‘I misspoke.’
Vlad To The Bone. (Apologies to George Thorogood.)
When two princes amongst men met up in Helsinki
Both promised, vowed, swore a swear with extended pinky
To put aside that old veil of dark secrecy, so deep, black and inky;
If Vlad’s pants look uncomfortably hot, don’t Dons seem a whiff stinky?
In a most comradely fashion the two privately conversed,
When they emerged into the light, all dark clouds dispersed,
Donald smiling dimly,Vladimir’s smile smug, satisfied, fit to burst,
How did Vlad contrive to convince Don to put ‘Meric- err… Russia First?
Don’s dishing out presidential pardons willy-nilly,
Forgiving old felonious friends at will and at whim,
But mention faithful old Mueller and Don grows chilly-
Chances of Don forgiving Bob are infinitesimally slim.
Questions of his hot Stormy affair are also met frostily
As his ardour and memories of her mammaries begin to dim,
So Don won’t dismiss Ms Kardashians request as frivolously silly,
Though part of the deal will be having to twerk for it, Kim.
Russia is electing their President, and it’s the same again,
‘All hail President Putin’ is the Kremlins enduring refrain,
Vladimir’s grasp on power is relentlessly ongoing
The ‘popularity’ of the President shows no signs of slowing.
Now Don ill-advisedly phones in his congratulations and delight
Since Putin has dazzlingly won his democratic election… right..?
Yet for Donald the epithet ‘Democrat’ is such a damn dirty word,
He, Vlad and Xi Jinping think leader for life is the term preferred.
Vlad feels he- alone- is fit to serve,
To oppose him takes resolve- and nerve,
Vlad’s electoral victory is unsurpassed
Since his opponents tend to come in dead last.
Ashen faced Don was devastated to hear
His once ‘excellent guy’, his pal Papadopolous
Had not stayed shtum, he had spoken
To the FBI, and Bob, and out of turn;
This had left Don f… furiously cross,
And Damn near heart-broken.
Two things had ‘conspired’
To cause a tiny cardiac infraction;
George, that little bottom-feeding sucker
Had been tapped by the FBI, but had he been wired?
Had there been talk of an overseas bank transaction?
Cause enough for both heart flutter and sphincter pucker?
No, there was no heart attack that I know of. You gotta have one, for a start.