Category Archives: satire

The Duke of Edinburgh is involved in a collision. Time for a crash course in Driver Ed, Phil? (Joking aside, get well Guv.)

Flip Toff.

The Queens consort HRH Prince Phillip
Drove away in his stately Range Rover,
A crash with a Kia caused his conveyance to tip
And the high riding Rover rolled over.

The Prince still drives well at ninety-seven
Though he’s a little shaky on the Highway Code,
Was he sun-dazzled, or did he see a glimpse of Heaven?
Phillip feels no need to head down that road.

Is it time for Prince Phillip to accept defeat,
Flog the posh Rover at some common market?
Give up the wheel and take a back seat
And royally park it?

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Don comes up against the Democrats, and they keep on stonewalling him. It’s lucky (and a relief) Don remains so restrained and constrained.

Childs Play.

Into each life a little rain must fall
And for Donny it has begun to spit,
He can’t get his way and get his wall,
Aww, poor babe, Don can’t get over it.

When it’s the rich privileged life you live,
Of having it made, and always being obeyed,
When it’s always take take take and never give
Don’t tell Don to take lemons and make lemonade.

Don asks for nothing more
Than to simply have his way,
So off he goes, and slams the door-
Left, and gone with nothing good to say.

But it is not Don’s way to quietly sit and pout,
To sob in silence, save for the tears sad patter patter,
And so, in true tantrumpian fashion Don lets it all out-
Taking all that crap against his wall ain’t no piddling matter.

Premier League football gets tied up in the FA cup. Crystal Palace v Grimsby Town, seen through increasingly cynical eyes.

Not Much Cup.

A cup tie at Selhurst Park agin Grimsby Town,
Two minutes in and poor Town are one man down,
How the Eagles crowd did crow,
The Grimsby fans cry ‘Oh fu- Oh no!’
For Grimsby it’s now backs to the wall
While Palace aim for goals, for one and all.

For surely, thisĀ week at Selhurst the goals would flow…
We watched a grim nil-all draw, till with two minutes to go
After spurning chances galore
Luckily a Palace player did score;
Happily, for goals at Palace are precious and few,
And, Hallelujah, he even scored at the right end too.

Premier League football, first game 2019, the excitement never ends… Wolverhampton Wanderers V Crystal Palace.

Wandering Away From Home.

‘Twas at Wolverhampton, on a night crisp and clear
Crystal Palace kicked kicked off the first game of the new year,
But Wolves played like a pack of mongrels on this night,
They huffed and they puffed but they showed little bite.

But neither were the Eagles soaring,
This game was tame, tedious and boring.

If someone- anyone- wouldn’t score for us soon
We’d join in with the Wolves fans and howl at the moon,
In the last ten minutes Palace score not one goal but two,
But it’s been no walk in the park watching Wolves lose at Molineux.

We won, yet I feel sorry for Wolves all the same,
We had all endured a dog’s breakfast of a game.

A happy new year to one and all. But it’s no holiday to have to work over the holidays, according to some.

Shut Down Till New Year.

Don sits in the dark White House alone and reminisces
Far from his Mar-a-Lago home and his loving missus,
Thinking of what good deeds he’s accomplished in ’18,
Then, of what a wondrous year it could have been.

He turned up the rhetoric at all his rallies
And turned his back on all of our allies.

Those wise-as advisers who came in, so highly vaunted
Left, at his disposal, eyes wide, downcast or haunted,
He’s disgusted his once trusted Lawyer keeps sayin’ he’s lying,
And just why must my learned counsel Mueller keep prying?

I’m all in favour of free speech
But I don’t care to hear ‘impeach.’

Back in ’16 I made a solemn promise I have yet to fulfill,
To build my wall and hand Mexico the six-billion-dollar bill,
It grieves me greatly, friends and neighbours, if I may say so,
To get El Presidente’s middle finger but not one single peso.

Hopefully, soon, good government will resume
Even allowing for the elephant in the room.

The New Year is almost here. Another year older, looking over the shoulder. A cheery little post as we reach another milestone? Well, if you can’t laugh.. All joking aside, Happy New Year!

Annual Revue/School Time.

Now we’re done with the Yo- ho- hoing
It’s time to ask where the Hell the year is going?
And why haveĀ my later years flown by instead of slowing?

I recall, as a schoolboy, way back when
Listening to the dronings of dry dusty men-
Entire periods of time stood still, back then.

Now, I don’t like the way days zip by so fast,
Light years faster than they did in my dim dark past,
Considering how interminable one school term could last.

Donald, his White House Christmas and me. Merry Christmas Mr President!

Screaming Memememe.

I’m sat at the White House, all alone,
Oh, poor pitiful me,
Just me, at Christmas, I with my phone,
Oh, poor lonesome me.

Being Prez ain’t all tinsel and glitter
Even for wonderful me,
All I have is my GreaT thoughts and Twitter
To accompany me…

Yes, I’m missing out on Melania’s home-cooked meal
Which disagrees with me,
But fortuitously, I’ve worked out a hell of a deal
‘Tween McDonalds and me.

This Christmas I’ve no Kelly, no Mattis
To stifle magnificent me
On troops, policy and other trifling matters,
Oh, impulsive impetuous me.

Here I’m free from their ever-ongoing discussion
That soooooo bores me,
They might as well talk turkey in Chinese- or Russian,
It’s all Greek to me.

Here I’m free of constraints from one and all,
Free to think of only me,
As governments shut down, and my stocks fall
I sit in wonder and wonder about me.