Category Archives: satire

I thought work couldn’t get any better, and though I rarely agree with the boss, this time I heartily do. Thanks Boss. Oh, and to Julia- thanks for nothing. (Part three of the Jilted Julia Saga.)

Exit Interview For Bossy Boots.

‘So, Julia you’ve been with us a year to the day,
Sadly the evidence says you’ve outstayed your stay,
So lets review your flaws before you go on your way
With our good wishes and an even greater redundancy pay’

‘Let us peruse the views of your ex-staff, if we may?
They can contain a clue- or two- to where you went astray,
One good point is they do say you’re real hard work and no play,
Negative traits… hmmm they do go on- and on and ON, don’t they?’

‘Complaints against you… hmm, laid in endless array,
Your words of complaint about them cause me a twinge of dismay…
No, don’t tell an employee to ‘fuck off,’ the Company prefer ‘go away,’
I agree with your staff, so no argument, Julia, just go away, without delay.
Or ‘fuck off’ as you say.’

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Don rallies support at Mississippi for Brett Kavanaugh, and attacks the lack of total recall of a woman assaulted years ago by him, allegedly. When it comes to justice, luckily we can rely on Don to judge. Don really hopes there won’t be many more taxing times like these.

Being Seen To Be Done.

At the rally Donald took the sword
To the testimony of Ms Blasey Ford,
How high Donald’s rhetoric soared-
From his lips the scorn petulantly poured.

See how his red-capped rabble rousers applaud
The irreverent words of the man adored,
The cheap shots and low blows Don scored-
Shouldn’t his deplorable words be deplored?

No, Don don’t believe some conniving broad-
Nor those mean #me too chicks who sew discord-
Don’s happy to let Brett take the Supreme award
And welcome another rich red-faced man aboard.

But there are some words Don’s pointedly ignored-
Loans Don got from Fred before he went to his final reward-
Up there, on high (or more likely, down with the Dark Lord,)
All FAKE NEWS, Don swears solemnly, a TOTAL fraud.

Don goes off to the United Nations, then on to centre stage. He walks the walk. He stands up, he delivers his knock-out punch. Wow, what a champ.

Worldly Wise Guy.

Before the United Nations Donald stood,
He was gonna show ’em, gonna tell ’em good,
All his accomplishments he was proud to state-
Modestly thinking his speech was not just good, but great.

Don smiled and waited… for the thunderous applause,
His words had caused his audience considerable pause…
Back home his rallies had rednecks cheering wall to wall,
But his clap trap didn’t move this audience to respond at all.

Then came a titter, then a giggle, then laughter uncontained,
Being the funny guy is one thing Don had never entertained,
Now the Great ‘Merican Hero’s smug smile is looking grim,
Leading the free world is no joke when the laugh’s on him.

Late at night, trawling through the channels and I fell upon this tender offering from the past. So serious, so silly, so… If any fans feel distraught about this all I can offer is, ‘sorry- grow up.’

The Vampire Diatribes.

First Entry.

The full moon shone down, bright and clear
As she left the pub full of cider and good cheer,
When from out of the shadows ol’ Dracula did appear
She gave out a cry as down her thigh ran a…frisson of fear.

This sure put a dampener on the nights atmosphere.

The Count slid towards her with a lecherous leer,
She feared this was her dying day as he drew near,
As his fangs grazed her neck she whispered in his ear
Bitter words no salivating vampire ever desires to hear.

Immodest confessions no fair Catholic maid could volunteer.

She has developed quite the reputation round here,
Has an accommodating nature that’s sure to endear,
Her maidenhood hadn’t withstood her sixteenth year,
She’d long laid her honor to rest, and not shed one tear.

So while she’s lying safely abed, Drac’s crying in his bier.

Another mad day at work. Sometimes and some days you wish you could be well shot of this sort of ….

Twenty-Four Hours, And Counting.

Three mass shootings in one day-
It’s just another day in the USA.

A mere five hospitalized in Syracuse?
That damp squib scarcely made the news.

Five injured in Middleton plus one dead perp-
Thank God he didn’t channel Wyatt Earp.

Four gone to glory in Maryland,
Unusually by a maids not-so-fair hand.

Yet another disgruntled employee with a gun
Hell-bent on making her last day a memorable one.

Living in the gun-tottin’ Land of the Free is GREAT;
The worry is surviving the workday without winding up late.

Three mass shootings in one day-
Sadly, just another day in the USA.

Hurricane Florence makes an unwelcome appearance. She’s big, bold, loud and depressingly nasty, and she don’t want to budge. And she’s slowly making advances.

Cold Clammy Hands.

The wind did howl
The hard rain did fall,
The weather, diabolically foul,
Over Carolina Florence did stall.

See the water rise?
It’s lapping at the door!
Perhaps it would be wise
To step up to the second floor?

See, the waters ankle deep-
Now it’s over knocking knees-
Now it’s creeping coldly up the thighs-
It’s enough to make one’s privates freeze.

Another weekend spent at leisure driving the sports utility truck? Or, some might say ‘it’s pick up time.’

All Decked Out.

If you drive a canopied Sports Utility
You’ll soon find you’re everybodys friend,
Add your good nature to its load bearing ability,
Friends, neighbors, their moving stories never end.

We saw the sofa that had been bought-
It measured out at precisely six foot long,
The deck of the utility proved a little short
And the back window glass non-too strong.

Sofas in a truck bed must be restrained-
And please do not slam down the canopy-
Upon the sofa and the tarmac safety glass rained-
‘Bye, friends and neighbors, Hello Insurance Company?