Category Archives: White House

Mad Dog Mattis leaves the madness behind. What could the first draft of his resignation letter have looked like?

Dear Don,
I hope you can dispense
With your Secretary of Defence.
Sir, could not your thick wall be a fence?
A wall built on a base foundation, at great expense
Looks dense.

Sir, I must say, with all due deference
Your flipping policies make no fu- flipping sense,
So after forty years of service serving six presidents
Preserving my reputation- and sanity- takes preference.
No offence.

Don and Rex; From great minds thinking alike to a parting of the ways. And mutual dislike.

Sticks And Stones.

Months after Tillerson was hired                                                                                                           Don says he hasn’t performed as required                                                                                         Now the man Donald made Secretary of State                                                                                   Has left his bossy-boots boss irascible and irate.

One must feel for poor dumb old Rex                                                                                                        A simple stumblebum beset by  flaws and defects,                                                                                  But if a rectal re-arrangement is what Rex must face                                                                      What ass placed him in that position in the first place?

What? All change at the White House legal team- again? Ah well, Donald is chafing to personally fix the legal system anyway.

The Law Is An Ass.

When Dons innocent dealings caused offence,
When he’d find himself in need of legal defence,
When he found the going getting pretty sticky
He’d call Mr Fix-it Cohen, AKA Tricky Mickey.

But now Don feels incensed, full of fury and regret,
For his once trusted Cohort and Mr Mueller have met,
Mikey’s gathered up all his tapes, notes and diaries
And is helping Bob with his probing enquiries.

Now his top White House Counsel loyal Don McGahn-
Who for thirty hours of Bobs grilling defended his boss man-
Sweating through the gruelling Summer, backed against the wall-
Finds Don’s designated him to take retirement and the fall by Fall.

In solidarity Stefan Passantino, McGahns Deputy and protege
Has tendered his resignation, beginning the end of the day,
With evidence of dark White House intrigues proving so abundant
As Lawyer-in-charge of White House Ethics, obviously Stef’s redundant.
 

The President might be thin-skinned but he’s a fighter. Now we sit back and see the shi… ahem, the fur fly.

Animus.

Omarosa was once Don’s dear and trusted adviser,
So what is it she’s done to make him despise her?
Well, since she’s been fired shes written a tell-all book,
A record of the colorful conversations in which he partook.

She says he used the nasty word, he denies all such dialogue
And now they’re rolling in the gutter fighting like cat and dog,
There sure ain’t no love lost between these old erstwhile friends
As manners go down the drain, into the swamp decorum descends.

Again the sly old dog digs into his trusty grab-bag of dirty tricks,
Don knows of old how to put the squeeze on low, lying chicks-
Yet his catastrophic brush with Bush on the bus gives him pause-
Best hope his big bad bark will cause her to withdraw her claws.

As Ivanka frenziedly re-edits every episode in ‘The Apprentice’
Shifty-eyed Ms Huckabee says Omarosa is non compos mentis,
But parroting weasel words leaves Huckabee unutterably sad,
She’s found it’s the old hound who is utterly barking mad.

Donny and Vladimir, sitting in Helsinki, this spells the end of D e m o c r a c y. Or, put another way, the first rule about Liars Club is there is no Liars Club. (But there is.)

Vlad To The Bone. (Apologies to George Thorogood.)

When two princes amongst men met up in Helsinki
Both promised, vowed, swore a swear with extended pinky
To put aside that old veil of dark secrecy, so deep, black and inky;
If Vlad’s pants look uncomfortably hot, don’t Dons seem a whiff stinky?

In a most comradely fashion the two privately conversed,
When they emerged into the light, all dark clouds dispersed,
Donald smiling dimly,Vladimir’s smile smug, satisfied, fit to burst,
How did Vlad contrive to convince Don to put ‘Meric- err… Russia First?

Presidential pardons, Kim Kardashian comes a’calling, but Don knows a bum deal when he sees one…

Hot And Cold.

Don’s dishing out presidential pardons willy-nilly,
Forgiving old felonious friends at will and at whim,
But mention faithful old Mueller and Don grows chilly-
Chances of Don forgiving Bob are infinitesimally slim.

Questions of his hot Stormy affair are also met frostily
As his ardour and memories of her mammaries begin to dim,
So Don won’t dismiss Ms Kardashians request as frivolously silly,
Though part of the deal will be having to twerk for it, Kim.

Donald on the down-low; Stormy Daniels getting the cash, McCabe getting the push. Who says Don is a petty President?

Lies In The Eyes Of The Beholder.

Donald was all for political leaks
In the elections frantic final weeks,
Then a whistle-blower was a patriot,
Now Donald is President, they’re not.

Since Donald’s butt is in the hot seat
All he does is bleat and Tweet,
Now Donald’s no whistle-blowers friend,
Demanding all this disloyalty must end.

Andy McCabe spoke out of turn
And is the latest one to learn
That Donald brooks no dissension
If you want to collect your pension.

Yes, it’s best for you to stay mute
About Donald and some massively cute
Woman he came accross on the golf course;
Don doesn’t want to cough up for a divorce.

No, best to keep that story hushed,
Don might emerge red and flushed,
When it comes to a marital moral lapse
Don is keen to keep it all under wraps.

Dons lawyer has done his expensive best
For Stormy to keep it close to her expansive chest;
Could Melania believe its all a storm in a double DD cup?
Don should’ve busted the bank to stop this going ti-… belly up.