My poorly daughter had to take a Coronavirus test,
She had the rheumy eyes, the hacking racking cough,
The red rubbed raw philtrum, the sputum filled chest
That feels constrained by a corset that won’t shuck off.
She found the testy nurse testing her tough to forgive,
It’s no fun when Nurse Ratched gets right up your nose,
The diagnosis she bitchily delivered back was a ‘negative,’
That’s almost worth a bloody deviated septum I suppose.
So oh-so-clever Julia’s gone, and not before time,
Some were overwrought, I’m simply over the moon,
It can’t be denied, seeing her backside was sublime
But if I ever see her two faces again it’ll be too soon.
‘So, Julia you’ve been with us a year to the day,
Sadly the evidence says you’ve outstayed your stay,
So lets review your flaws before you go on your way
With our good wishes and an even greater redundancy pay’
‘Let us peruse the views of your ex-staff, if we may?
They can contain a clue- or two- to where you went astray,
One good point is they do say you’re real hard work and no play,
Negative traits… hmmm they do go on- and on and ON, don’t they?’
‘Complaints against you… hmm, laid in endless array,
Your words of complaint about them cause me a twinge of dismay…
No, don’t tell an employee to ‘fuck off,’ the Company prefer ‘go away,’
I agree with your staff, so no argument, Julia, just go away, without delay.
Nah, ‘fuck off’ as you say.’
I took pleasure in seeing the boss kick Julia’s ass out the door;
My one regret is not putting in a few myself, to even the score,
But no, I’d kick myself if I didn’t regret doing one thing more
And that’s seeing her off with my size ten from the sixth floor.