Am I alone in hoping there could be a lone Ranger?

Dumb Truck.

Whenever I drive down to our local Mall, sadly
The car parks are chocka-block, row upon row,
And every second conveyance is parked badly,
So, slowly, 'round and 'round the carousel we go.

Away we go, eyes crawling past the serried ranks-
So many big double cab trucks, so few hatchbacks,
Slaloming from side to side of the tight lanes thanks
To trucks with rear-ends fitted with triple bike racks.

All the Mall car parks are of a reasonable size,
But unfortunately, not if your parking skills suck,
It's a rare trucker who'll win a 'best parker' prize
When trying to park Fords monster big-as truck.

Because 'round here the Ford Ranger is ubiquitous,
It's the most bought and desired vehicle of any sort,
A work truck being the top seller sounds ridiculous,
But that double cab truck is now fashionably sought.

From top Master Builders to Jack-offs of all trades
Every working man wants to be wheelin' a Ford Ranger,
But the fact they're also favoured by fair delicate maids
Makes its macho appeal to the masses even stranger.

With Rangers being big 'n' tall and double wide
One needs to park it with a surgeons precision,
But when two are parked on either side, woe betide
You should you reverse and don't have periscopic vision.

Now that the Ranger has become a fashion accessory
The petty pissy upper-class one-upmanship has begun,
Are Mag wheels, fog lamps, chrome bull bars necessary
'Specially for the rich bitch tart navigating the school run?

The Ranger has upstaged the fabled Range Rover,
Once the default choice of the wealthily endowed,
With its lofty cabin so one could sit and lord it over
The poor lost Souls and losers in their Cruzes crowd.*

It's rough enough when a Ranger hauling a trailer
Takes a foot of precious space off your parking slot,
I've been known to swear like a road-raging sailor
When trying to scrape into a park- turns out it's not.

So we curse it out and back out to crawl along again,
Past some Power Ranger who looks and sees just fine,
Parked outside his gym this muscle head with half a brain
Strides and whistles past the 'Disabled Parking Only' sign.

Then, amongst the range of cabs and gleaming decks
I spy a gap in the Rangers that, with Gods good grace-
If it isn't a trick of the light or my steamed-up specs-
May be an actual honest-to-God free parking space!

Turning 'round the corner we slow and brake,
I don't believe it but the evidence I can't refute,
I stare, rub my disbelieving eyes, do a double take
And hit the horn, knowing she won't give a hoot.

Hot Mama in her air-conditioned comfort won't take a hint,
She sits vaping, idling, adding to the massive carbon bubble,
Madam peers down her snooty nose through the window tint,
Parking 'tween the painted guidelines isn't worth her trouble.

* Kia Soul and Chevy Cruze. Cheap 'n' cheerful runabouts, nippy, small enough for the Mall, unless you have one truck of an ego.

'Why the Ford Ranger, a big unwieldy bloated behemoth of a truck remains NZ's best seller is a mystery to me. Maybe those who do buy them think having a big deck makes them special?

'Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful,
And just a little lazy,
Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful,
I'm just as God has made me.'
The Northern Pikes, 'Don't Hate Me.'

©Obbverse.