Category Archives: Sport

In the spirit of competition, it matters only that you try, honorably. Who will make us all proud at these games?

Consistent Results.

A warm welcome to South Korea,
Theres fun and Winter games here,
The skiers ski, the skaters skate
And the true achievers celebrate…

But for a certain medallist in curling
A twisted tale is once again unfurling,
Well, it IS another athletics meeting
So another Russian athlete’s cheating.

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Back to the land of the ice and snow, Where there’s sod all sun and the cold winds blow. (Apologies to Led Zeppelin and the Immigrant Song.)

Home And Away.

Oh, to be back in the sceptred isle on a sepulchral January day,
No, there’s no place like home the old folks unfailingly say,
The rain paints the streets a shade of an all too familiar grey,
Hmm, whatever possessed me to go rather than jolly well stay?

Now I’m thinking of MY home as I trudge through the spray,
Where the rain gently but rarely falls on the sun crazed clay,
That welcoming sun’s calling me back, and no more will I stray,
I’m going home, getting my old Spurs scarf and giving it away.

Australia fall to Scotland in international rugby, but in his mature fashion Coach Cheika has words of reasoned explanation. He’s developing a certain pattern in his speech patterns.

Coach Class.

When it comes to his Wallabies Cheika is fiercely protective,
Their unlucky defeats bring on a stream of Coach’s invective,
Likeable Michael knows who to blame for all these defeats,
Touch judges and referees all cheat, he plaintively bleats.

One must feel sorry for the Wallabies on their flight home,
After Scotland, has Mike developed Asperger’s Syndrome?
For his solemnly silent team the non-stop flight is wearing,
Listening to Motormouth Michael’s non-stop swearing.

Crystal Palace, yet another seamless managerial transition.

A Kick In The Nether Regions.

A parlous place to be is Crystal Palace’s bosses seat,
Frank’s just found out- four weeks in, and it’s job complete,
But frankly if your team loses the first four, AND can’t score
You know Steve Parish will show you Palaces revolving door.

Steve thought he’d struck a bargain in hiring a Dutch treat,
But Franks tenure was brutally short, Steve acted tout suite,
Long suffering patience is not something Parish has time for;
Ask last years Manager, or any of the many who went before.

Getting the treatment, according to Tiger.

Dropping In.

Lately it looks like Tiger Woods game is shot,
The ol’ back has given out on the swinging star,
Nowadays the bar is where he finds his sweet spot
But after sinking a few his driving’s not up to par.

A Florida trooper put a stop to his game,
Tiger pitched his story and hoped it would fly,
He claimed a cocktail of medication was to blame,
By the look in his eye that is a hopeless lie.

Wheel Spin.

Lance Armstrong comes to our fair shores to do a tv spot about ‘The consequences.’ This ad is for a beer company! Draw you own conclusions about recreational use.
Bringing out a seven times Tour De France champion- sorry, pharmaceuticaly enhanced Champion to tell us his tragic tale seems a bit on the nose. However sorry you are Lance,sorry I’m not buying it. Anyway Lance doesn’t seem a beer drinking kinda guy, surely he’s a shots sort of dude?

Wheel Spin.

Lance truly deeply sincerely regrets
Sullying the good name
Of his spotlessly clean pristine sport.

So he’s paying his debts,
He’s talking a fair game,
A humbling lesson has been taught.

No more pre-test cold sweats;
Nowadays he can truly claim
He’ll pis… pass any toxicology report.

But it’s not the condemnation that upsets,
What still causes pain and shame
Isn’t doing the crime, but getting caught.

Shining Example

South African cricket captain Faf du Plessis was ‘dissapointed’
at the booing he received from the Adelaide crowd after making a superb 100 in the third test.
Du Plessis became an object of the crowds ire the week before when the ICC officially charged him with ball tampering for using a lolly to shine the ball in the previous Hobart test. Faf pleaded guilty to the charge.

Shining Example.

After the great century du Plessis made
What boorishness the Okker crowd displayed,
He was dismayed by the crowds unsporting booing
-It’s not as if Fafing about was all he had been doing.

Perhaps if Faf needed a hint
The crowd reminded him of a mint,
And that they thought he was a cheat,
And his hundred didn’t taste quite so sweet.

Next time, Faf, don’t be a drip,
Clench that jaw, close tight that lip,
Don’t suck on that digit, keep it clean,
Jeez, Faf, think where that fingers been?