Lately it looks like Tiger Woods game is shot,
The ol’ back has given out on the swinging star,
Nowadays the bar is where he finds his sweet spot
But after sinking a few his driving’s not up to par.
A Florida trooper put a stop to his game,
Tiger pitched his story and hoped it would fly,
He claimed a cocktail of medication was to blame,
By the look in his eye that is a hopeless lie.
Lance Armstrong comes to our fair shores to do a tv spot about ‘The consequences.’ This ad is for a beer company! Draw you own conclusions about recreational use.
Bringing out a seven times Tour De France champion- sorry, pharmaceuticaly enhanced Champion to tell us his tragic tale seems a bit on the nose. However sorry you are Lance,sorry I’m not buying it. Anyway Lance doesn’t seem a beer drinking kinda guy, surely he’s a shots sort of dude?
Lance truly deeply sincerely regrets
Sullying the good name
Of his spotlessly clean pristine sport.
So he’s paying his debts,
He’s talking a fair game,
A humbling lesson has been taught.
No more pre-test cold sweats;
Nowadays he can truly claim
He’ll pis… pass any toxicology report.
But it’s not the condemnation that upsets,
What still causes pain and shame
Isn’t doing the crime, but getting caught.
South African cricket captain Faf du Plessis was ‘dissapointed’
at the booing he received from the Adelaide crowd after making a superb 100 in the third test.
Du Plessis became an object of the crowds ire the week before when the ICC officially charged him with ball tampering for using a lolly to shine the ball in the previous Hobart test. Faf pleaded guilty to the charge.
After the great century du Plessis made
What boorishness the Okker crowd displayed,
He was dismayed by the crowds unsporting booing
-It’s not as if Fafing about was all he had been doing.
Perhaps if Faf needed a hint
The crowd reminded him of a mint,
And that they thought he was a cheat,
And his hundred didn’t taste quite so sweet.
Next time, Faf, don’t be a drip,
Clench that jaw, close tight that lip,
Don’t suck on that digit, keep it clean,
Jeez, Faf, think where that fingers been?
In his early rookie days
At the Oklahoma City Thunder
They grossly overworked and underpaid
Mrs Adams poor little lad Steven.
Now he’s had a hefty raise;
From a pittance to wholesale plunder;
A great deal our long-haired wonder made;
He’s happy with his lot- ecstatic even.
140 million bucks for four years at a place you like and are happy to be? Sweet deal, bro. Likes to play here, loves the pay here.
Sam Allardyce loses the England football managers job. Well spoken Sam.
Said, And Done.
Alas, poor Sam Allardyce,
He’s paid a heavy price,
He wagged his waspish tongue,
Now Big Sam has been stung.
It’s with some concern
We learn he spoke out of turn,
Words ill-chosen and badly put;
How did they pass past his foot?
He’s most dismissive of the previous staff
(As articulated in the Telegraph,)
But had Iceland been disposed to lose
Sam wouldn’t be in Roy’s shoes.
Despite the sterling job he’s done-
His record says played one, won one-
Sadly Sam is headed out the door,
What a silly own goal to score.
Entrapped is how Sam is feeling,
Why accuse poor Sam of double dealing?
Why, Sam with transfer fees sky high
There are 400,000 reasons why.
Despite expansive apologies all round
Sam’s size fourteens won’t touch the ground,
Do Not Pass Go, collect no transfer fee,
Sammy’s off, cut loose and fancy free.
Mahe Drysdale wins gold in rowing…just.
Stroke Of Luck.
In rowing terms, he’s mighty old
But Mahes still going to go for gold,
And as he cruised to the lead at the start
The only silver he cherished sat above his heart.
Out in first place at the start
The race looked a paddle in the water park,
True, one Croation still grimly clung to his wake;
Who knew that pesky paddler would be so hard to shake?
Mahes lead grew ever shorter
As that Croat flew o’er the water,
Mahe was mortified to see it diminish,
Would he be caught, short of the finish?
Oh so close to the wind he had sailed
But a photo proved that he had prevailed,
But his medal could’ve been quickly tarnished
Had his crafts bow not been so thickly varnished.