Category Archives: humour

The President comes back from meeting with some of the finest minds in the world and his first order of business is- a beastly business.

Blasted Conservation.

If you’re in the hunt for some good clean fun
Dig out your passport and grab your elephant gun,
Now, thanks to what Don has gone and said and done
You can blaze merrily away ‘neath the Zimbabwean sun.

Don has duly given his licence to a blood sport
And the NRA give him their wholehearted support,
It’s the product of a mutual disregard for logical thought,
But elephants are on the brink of being extinct, so time is short…

Fly direct to Zimbabwe
And land in festive and restive Harare,
Say you will pay handsomely to go on safari
(But better not say Grace or Robert Mugabe.)

Get over there before the climate here becomes too hot,
It just takes a little money and you can be a real big shot,
Some say big game hunting’s cold blooded killing , but it’s not,
But hurry, if you’re lucky you might even plug the last of the lot.

So take aim, squeeze your trigger, watch another fall,
Bringing down something so big makes a little man stand tall,
So bring back that brainless stuffed head, mount it on the wall;
Perhaps Dumbo Don has left us a perfect and lasting legacy after all?

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Don and Vlad just passing the time of day at the Asian leaders meeting. A short and cordial meeting of the minds.

Yak Yak.

Donald and Vlad paused to exchange a greeting
At the Asian conflab, scarcely even a meeting,
Barely worth mentioning, or even repeating.

Just enough time taken by those two to put to rest
The insinuations of those who continue to protest
That red hands were all over the electoral contest.

A smile, a nod, a blink- or a wink?- a brief handshake,
It’s amazing how little time a Don done deal can take-
Some might say it’s one slick team those two make.

Why pursue this Russian fabrication when they have agreed
To be resolute that any investigation can’t hope to succeed?
Besides neither care to know where any trail might lead.

Now, with hand on heart, Donald can say say he’s truly relieved
That an ‘understanding’ with Vladimir has been achieved;
Surely the word of an ex-KGB Colonel can be believed?

Paddles (the cat) and Gareth Morgan (the ass.) Paddles, the NZ Prime Ministers cat has been run over. Gareth, a wannabe politician, HATES cats, feral or otherwise. So he showed no sympathy, perhaps brutally so.

Rich Reward.

Farewell Paddles, you short lived cat,
Only grumpy Gareth takes much joy in that;
Not for Morgan a moments diplomatic pause,
No, out comes his dogma, out come the claws.

No thought of how those words stung.

When Gareth’s time on this mortal coil ends
And up towards Heaven he (hopefully) ascends,
Will he see Paddles lounging atop the Pearly Gates?
How to explain to St Pete cats are one of his pet hates?

Say, Gareth, cat got your tongue?

A tale of mystery and imagination, and perhaps, medical misadventure? Lately truth is stranger than fiction though.

Serious As A Heart Attack.

Ashen faced Don was devastated to hear
His once ‘excellent guy’, his pal Papadopolous
Had not stayed shtum, he had spoken
To the FBI, and Bob, and out of turn;
This had left Don f… furiously cross,
And Damn near heart-broken.

Two things had ‘conspired’
To cause a tiny cardiac infraction;
George, that little bottom-feeding sucker
Had been tapped by the FBI, but had he been wired?
Had there been talk of an overseas bank transaction?
Cause enough for both heart flutter and sphincter pucker?

No, there was no heart attack that I know of. You gotta have one, for a start.

One for the kids on Halloween. Put the goodies out by the gate with this note, and it kinda worked. We weren’t picked completely clean.

Just A Bit Of A Bite, Please.

If you come here to trick or treat
We’ve an abundance of treats to eat,
But greedy ghosts and ghouls beware;
Don’t take more than your fair share.

Should you fill your goody bag to the brim
You may find your sunny smile turning grim.

Eating our entire supply of Kool Mints- grossly fulfilling,
But losing a filling on Halloween- painfully chilling,
So if you find all these sweets impossible to resist
Don’t blame us when you visit the dentist

Halloween eve, Paul Manafort is arrested and Don leads the morning prayer, and leads the hymn at the White House on this special day.

Lost Souls Abroad On Halloween.

Let’s spare a prayer and a thought
For true, loyal servant Paul Manafort,
Why must Mueller have to look so keen?
Don feels a Presidential compulsion to intervene.

Don sends his trusted friend his support
And the finest Defence that can be bought,
It’s costing a fortune to keep Pauls hands clean
So somebody does know the trou- roubles he’s seen.

Barnaby Joyce, once Deputy Australian Prime Minister, put in a hopeless position. However, there are two sides to every sad story. PS; This guy, being a dual citizen, can’t be elected in ‘Stralia.

Poor Relations.

I can but feel for your poor statesman Barnaby Joyce,
Being called a Fair Dinkum Kiwi leaves him fairly f… annoyed,
But PLEASE, give your ex second-in-command a second chance?
Him washing up on our fair shores doesn’t exactly leave US overjoyed.