Category Archives: humour

Barnaby Joyce, Aussie Deputy PM and National Party leader resigns amid sexual conduct revelations. A man of high moral standards falls on his sword, sort of.

Bye Bye Barnaby.

Barnaby Joyce’s behaviour has been foul,
Impregnating his ex-press secretary Nikk.

Now the National leader’s tossed in the towel,
Those stains- on his character!- are gonna stick.

Some consider him to be a pain in the lower bowel
But he’s proved he’s just a prize prick.

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Off to Heaven Billy goes. He spread the word unceasingly on earth , now its Heavens turn.

Irreverent Eulogy.

The teary congregation lamented long and loud-
But then Billy Graham always drew a decent crowd-
At last the noted orator has been called up to the Lord
Gabriel glided down on a gilded chariot and said ‘hop aboard.’

Billy had can closing in on his centurion year
But he heard the trumpet calling, loud and clear.

Perhaps good God took note of his age and infirmity?
‘Tis sad, since it seems he’s rattled on for an eternity
So many sinning souls Billys saved by Billys word alone,
Using Gods good book and a bloody great big microphone.

Now that the impassioned Billy has gone to his well earned rest
Perhaps now he can give up prattling on like a man possessed?

In the spirit of competition, it matters only that you try, honorably. Who will make us all proud at these games?

Consistent Results.

A warm welcome to South Korea,
Theres fun and Winter games here,
The skiers ski, the skaters skate
And the true achievers celebrate…

But for a certain medallist in curling
A twisted tale is once again unfurling,
Well, it IS another athletics meeting
So another Russian athlete’s cheating.

Who can get by without a phone these days? Well, if you have your phone insured, the loss is borne by them. That’s the bottom line…

Don’t Call Us.

When your iPhone takes a swim
Chances of it working are pretty slim,
Water sure does take its toll
On an Apple bobbing in the bowl.

The insurance company took the call,
They heard the story of your iPhones fall,
Though insurance is so damned expensive
It sure do pay off when it’s comprehensive.

The cheque for a replacement is in the mail,
Ah, but hold on, this isn’t the end of this tale;
Your tenure with the new Samsung was all too brief
Due to the gall of some light-fingered French thief.

The insurance company took the call, again,
Second time around the loss was easier to explain,
The first one might have taken quite the while
But this time the details were fresh on file.

Then came another whirlwind dash to the continent
Where crashing to the terrazzo the Samsung went,
Another call is made on a phone that’s literally cracking up;
My, aren’t the numbers on these new phones backing up?

Another cheque arrives, with a covering letter
Advising one to look after ones new phone better,
With thanks for making full use of your comprehensive claim
But asking you to please- please not renew it, if its all the same.

Barnaby Joyce is a true National treasure, a rare and engaging man of the land. He’s not afraid to get his hands dirty. But baby, this boy ain’t ever going to be voted ‘Father of the Year.’

Talking Into His Hat.

Privately Barnaby and Vikki do make a pretty pair;
Publicly Barnaby brazenly faces the public glare,
His amorous amoral view he is happy to share-
As a politician he wonders why his public should care
About his peccadilloes when they’re his private affair?

Barnaby Joyce, Australia’s Deputy Prime Minister. Moral guardian, anti Gay marriage, a man of staunch moral principles and the Catholic faith. Alas, he’s only sub-human, after all.

Peoples Choice.

Barnaby Joyce is one hell of a guy,
Well, a hell of a politician, few can deny,
He has stepped out on his wife and four kids,
Blame ‘True Love’ not lust, for a career on the skids.

Will his conservative voters forgive his moral flaws?
Shouldn’t a Catholic living in carnal sin not give him pause?
Siring a secretary’s sprog out of wedlock’, he’s pushing it, rather.
Sadly, Barnaby can’t help it if his new kid has a bastard for a father.

Another one to throw out there, off the top of my head. Much like the dashing debonair pompadoured Donald did, actually.

Thin Skinned And Thick Headed.

Don’s having a bad hair day today, lets be blunt,
It sits imposingly on his head, but back to front,
It’s thick- ever so thick, from hairline to crown,
Long enough to slick it back and stick it down.

There its lacquered and all but tacked in place;
For a balding man he’s got it all ass-about face,
Donald is inordinatly proud of his golden mane
But one puff of wind shows it is all in vain.