Sticks And Stones.
Months after Tillerson was hired Don says he hasn’t performed as required Now the man Donald made Secretary of State Has left his bossy-boots boss irascible and irate.
One must feel for poor dumb old Rex A simple stumblebum beset by flaws and defects, But if a rectal re-arrangement is what Rex must face What ass placed him in that position in the first place?
About Time.
Today we would see the Eagles soar,
We’d see off the bores from Turf Moor,
We tested Burnly’s Hart with shot after shot-
Poor old Joe must look like a pepper pot.
Such an unusual sight for the fans in the stands,
To see our Keeper clapping to warm his hands,
Finally McArthur lobbed in a wobbly cross,
His far post lucky bounce begins the Burnley loss.
This was to be the first of Palaces winning brace,
Owing less to McArthur skill than Divine grace,
Yes, our Palace sharpshooters would bumble in two-
But shoot twenty-odd times, odds are you score a few.
Then late late on Townsend shot from long range
And it didn’t fly up to the Heavens- for a change,
Now, manager Hodgsons nous is hard to refute,
With two minutes to go Sorloths out of his track suit.
Sloth ain’t out there for his silky skills or deft touch-
He’s not impressed on either front there overmuch,
Not Hodgson nor I expect Lex to score a goal sublime,
Sorloth’s on to prove- once again- he’s a waste of time.
Northern Lights.
Through the barren desert, dry and parched
The rag tag rebellious revolutionaries marched,
Towards the Grande prize they’d set their course-
To be met by Dons army and promises of lethal force.
Among the weary mothers and children Don has detected
Gangs of ‘bad guys’ from whom his States must be protected,
Now at the border his good ol’ boys look out, keen and alert,
They’re gonna protect his holy ground from the Mexican dirt.
It was late in the year, late at night on the Twenty Fourth
A keen-eyed trooper saw a sinister bearded figure heading north,
A flare went up, then a shot, then fusillades filled the air-
Donald would’ve been proud to see the rockets’ red glare.
The sun rose on a smouldering desert, deathly still,
The soldier boys had indulged in a bit of over-kill,
By the border fence, battered and broken as a pinata
Lay the latest sad-sack border hopping bloody martyr.
No one gets in the Great States undocumented,
But this is one under fire Alien who’ll be long lamented,
Sadly for the good children North of the border wall
Santa is officially late, and henceforth, unable to call.
Whack Job.
Lizzie Borden took an axe to her dear old Dad,
His constant cutting her down drove her mad,
Yet even as he fell victim to foul patricide
He felt for his wild child a slice of paternal pride;
She’d proved she came from hard-working Irish stock,
With a chip on her shoulder, a real chip off the old block.
Maw was not best pleased with what she saw,
She stood, in bits and pieces, looking over Paw,
Stepmum looked appealingly at step-daughter
Hoping Lizzie would settle for manslaughter,
She hoped to survive and to head off any scandal
‘Cause Liz and the axe had both flown off the handle.
But Lizzie produced from under her pinafore a hatchet-
Lizzie had her plan and she planned to despatch it,
She did not hear her stepmums pleas of ‘Stop! Stop!’
Lizzie was keen to get stuck in, chop chop.
What a pity dear old Dad, so recently laid to rest
Didn’t see Liz working away like a woman possessed.
But since the trial our Lizzie is doing well,
No longer constrained in her padded cell
She’s free to glumly walk the guarded grounds,
She dourly nods at the Doc doing his rounds,
That tragic face rarely bears an authentic smile,
But sometimes, as she lingers by the wood pile…
Trouble In Paradise?
Over Paradise falls a dark and stifling pall,
The President has decided to call,
He’s in a Blue State, showing humanitarian concern,
It’s enough to make his red Republican heart burn.
The sight is enough to make Don hyperventilate-
That senseless loss of all that high-end real estate.
As Don steps around the smoking debris
His discomfiture is plain for all to see,
Don can barely stand to be seen walking beside Jerry Brown,
His burning desire is to hot foot it out of town.
Though we see Don and Jerry standing together
Any friendship will prove as fickle as the weather.
This place is not where Don wants to dwell,
This piece of Paradise has gone to Hell,
He’s fielding a few burning questions from the few townsfolk,
Don cannot wait to get his butt back to the Big Smoke.
Don leaves, with, as an afterthought, a prayer-
Usually offered when smoke and cordite fill the air.
Off The Xmas List.
Would this long jolly December day never end?
All this kid craved was for the blessed night to fall,
I watched in impatience for the sun to descend-
How I’d like to get my hands on that clock on the wall.
Finally in the wee wee hours of Christmas eve
I hopefully strung up my XXL size Christmas stocking,
Murmuring ‘Santa please don’t practice to deceive,’
After last year my once-solid faith in Him was rocking.
I lay abed replaying my plan of when Santa would descend;
No more milk and cookies left for when He deigned to call,
Now its eggnog, Christmas spirit, Bells 80 proof, special blend,
This kid is not above greasing the skids to get a decent haul.
Come Christmas morning and what did I receive?
From the mantle fluttered my stocking, empty, mocking,
It hurts to find your faith is based on make believe-
No more lists to Santa, that fat bastard I’m Facebook blocking.
Thor Point.
I’ve been sorely tried to hold Palace in high regard,
And yes, it’s been a tough week for the Palace guard,
This week Spurs stole the sole goal, given half a yard;
If only our half-hearted offense would try half as hard.
For another week we hear old Roy’s comments-
Yet more talk of tough luck, bad calls, sad laments,
Good old Roy has a lifetime of wisdom to dispense
But this eternal optimist is running out of patience.
Today saw Wilfred Zaha appear amongst the suits,
He’d put his feet up , but not put on the boots,
Wiv Wilf out of the game it’s down to Roy’s recruits-
From the back of the class up Sorloths hand shoots.
Yes, today would be Alexanders lucky day,
Good old Roy reluctantly let ‘Lex out to play,
And as luck would have it the ball came his way
But alas, lead-foot ‘Lex also has feet of clay.
Glory beckoned for Scandinavia’s best,
For with an eagle eye our Norseman’s been blessed,
He shot unerringly- straight at the ‘keepers chest!
I near had conniptions, Roy near a cardiac arrest.
Whey-faced Roy feels in his chest the knife slowly twist,
Roy, your choice is is cut ‘Lex loose, or cut your wrist;
Now Sloth’s hot off the bench, and on to the transfer list,
His missed shot at Spurs guarantees he’ll not be missed.
